Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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