it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he puts the penis in happiness.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
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winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
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I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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