Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
