you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
