Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
