the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
