How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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