You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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