Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
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