you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Boobs speak an international language.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
