I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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