Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
