does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Sober January is a disaster.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
