Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
did i just pee glitter
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
