I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
