So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
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