Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
