please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
