You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
two words...techno handjob
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
third nipple confirmed
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
A bitchslap is in order.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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