so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
