Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
