dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
