dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just pee around me
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
