I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
lets start a swedish sibling band together
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
