My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
