i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
