just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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