This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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