Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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