I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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