hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
