you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
