Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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