cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
