READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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