Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
