She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
