You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
