I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
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