I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
