my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
