Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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