haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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