Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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