Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
thus making me awesome and them whores
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
