you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
