Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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