what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
this will be a night to untag.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
