I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
the gays at disneyland are vicious
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
