I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
When are your genitals available?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
