Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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