When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
