i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
