Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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