mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
