I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
