You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
