Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
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I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
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lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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